Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Good Collection of Borderline Personality Disorder

This is a really good collection of articles regarding borderline personality disorder, apparently what my grandmother may have been diagnosed with. I like the first one that describes one person's actual dealings with it. I have never really understood what "it" is. Though my E Donor would like to perhaps think I have this, I don't have any symptoms related to this.

Mental illness does not, generally, cause family estrangement. Mental illness does not necessarily make someone not a nice person. They can be hard to deal with at times, like my father in law especially at the end (hallucinations, conspiracy theories, not wanting treatment or help), but it did not make him a not nice person. During the moments when his illness did not affect him totally, he was a nice, gentle and kind man. No malice in his heart, although perhaps he had a lack of tact sometimes . That can be charming every now and then, or appalling depending on the circumstance LOL. The point is, he cared about and loved his family. He did the best he could with what he had, he was aware that he was suffering from a mental illness that needed medication every day. If he had a day where he may have been "off", there would be an apology following. Or perhaps even while it was happening.

My grandmother was not a nice person. As far as I have experienced and read, my mother is not a nice person. All her fantasies involving me involve me failing somehow in life . It's always a put down or a criticism. Never, "oh how wonderful she is trying something new". I must be a lousy accountant, as she did not get the quality and caliber of gift she wanted. I will out her for her "bipolar" disease that I have been itching to do since I found out about it two years ago. Perhaps I will even attribute other mental illnesses to her.

Sorry, not a nice person. Also not a person that even if she had a mental illness, is a nice person. Like I said, relationships and our responses to them can be controlled. We are still "us" inside, not our mental illness. And it's not a word I am ashamed of, it's been an easily controlled condition. I could have had heart disease, asthma, cancer, cleft pallet, no arms or legs, been paralyzed, MS, peanut allergies, lactose intolerant (or allergic to chocolate LOL) and on and on. I have something that requires me to take a pill a day. Big friggin deal. I don't die or go insane if I don't take it, I feel a bit blue. It's not pleasant, but it's not life threatening either. Course in my mother's world, it is something to hold over me!! Yet, she thinks I would ever have a personal discussion again. I don't choose to associate with people that are that negative. I mean that's my choice, and I will use that choice.

Mental illness may be an aggravation to family estrangement however, or a complication if you will. Especially if one is not familiar with the things that can go on, or what the responses are, and more possibly if someone does not get help or treatment.

No comments: