Thursday, May 15, 2008

Just For Fun, A Fictional Conversation With My Mother (mothers day continued)

***I should disclose that my mother has responded in a nice way since I wrote this. I just don't trust this. This is more an enactment as conversations as they have gone in the past. How I do believe they would go, if she wasn't "trying out" a new approach on me (or this is how I perceive the situation right now).

So I have been conversing with the E Donor on her blog. Translation, banging my head against the same brick wall. Well, there seemed to be the tiniest bit of progress at first as she attempted to repeat things back to me. Also, her first reply seemed reasonable and sincere, although a little voice said "she is trying out something new, empathy, in the age old attempt to manipulate you". But given my desire to always give people the benefit of the doubt, I answered questions. And answered, and explained, until I realized, she's just stacking up the evidence against me again. Were I to continue, I will expand on what the conversation will become from you, as it has been time tested:

E Donor: I have admitted that I may have done these things but I don't remember.

Me: Fine, but they were done. If I was going to make something it, (and I wouldn't) it would be way more spectacular than that.

E Donor: Well fine, I may have done those things, but shit happens. Bite me.

Me: Alrighty then.

E Donor: You just want me to debase myself.

Me: No, it would just be nice if you could listen and absorb some information.

E Donor: I understand, you aren't talking to me because you want to ruin my life.

Me: No, I want to live my life unharrassed, and I do not feel that's possible when continuing a relationship with you or my father by the way.

E Donor: How did I harrass you. I did not harrass you.

Me: Well, I call calling relatives behind my back to "interview" them stepping way over the line. You also tried to appeal to your ex, my S Donor. And then there was the time you creeped around my house.....

E Donor: Well, you wouldn't talk to me.

Me: We did in fact exchange information for a long time. You haven't and don't listen. YOu list other things PAS or bi polar as reasons (or that I wish to ruin your life). Clearly you don't listen or believe I know why I am not talking to you. In forteen years, you never offered an apology or an acknowledgement for how I may have felt either about the reason for the rift or for the things you did afterwards. YOu tend to ignore those.

E Donor: I did give an apology. I sent it in a letter that you threw away, three years after the argument.

Me: Hard to believe as I only started throwing things out six years ago, 8 years into the argument. And for the record, I have asked what I did miss and what you apologized for. Then you say "I won't tell you". or the infamous "I am sorry for whatever it is you think I did to cause our estrangement." Neither gives me the warm fuzzies about you. So what is it that you apologized for?

E Donor: I just sent it to get you to talk to me anyway. I won't debase myself for apologizing.

Me: And did you hear why we don't talk. Can you repeat what I said?

E Donor: I won't debase myself by saying that. YOu think I am the worst mother ever on the face of the earth. All you want me to do is degenerate myself.

Me: Alrighty then. That answers my question.

E Donor: So why have you ruined my life by not talking to me?

Sigh. That brick wall sure is hard .

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