Friday, June 02, 2006

Following the Thank Post is the Unavoidable---- Things I am NOT Thankful for post

Things I do not thank my parents for: (just need to get this out, perhaps print it out, burn it and send it to the wind one day---for now it's for cyber space bound)

  1. No thank you to Mom & Dad-For staying in the house during blow out arguments (which weren't every six months as recently posted by my mom, maybe she was trying to be funny) but every third day or so. There are ways to have arguments not in front of the kids you know, and while sometimes I had to hear better by putting my ear to the vent, it really wasn't all that necessary as I heard you guys screaming quite clearly. It was probably better that I wasn't wondering what every word was about, rather than wondering about what the constant screaming was about.
  2. No thank you to Mom-For explaining sex to me at five, while letting me know I was an accident and she didn't want that to happen to me. Far to young not to scar a kid.
  3. No thank you to Dad-for screaming at me every time I had an idividual abstract thought not necessarily based in fact (like opinions about democracy or whatever) when they didn't allign with his.
  4. No thank you to Dad-by smashing a specially made chair on the floor next to me during an argument. You can't imagine how threatening of physical abuse this is to a girl.
  5. No thank you to Dad-for dragging me to a therapist to agree with your view that my problem with you was the divorce. As I have explained repeatedly it was the marriage, just to get out of the meeting I did a lot of crying and skirting the issue. The truth is though, if you had cared to just ask me what my problem was with you, instead of berating me into an idea, I had a list ready to go.
  6. No thank you to Dad-for screaming at me when I missed the bus once so much, that once I got into school the guidance couselor pulled me into the office sure I had been physically abused because of the condition of my eyes. Just one of many of these kind of instances.
  7. No thank you to Dad---Recently we lost our dog Neptune, and the night before he died, Robert's car died on the road, and my battery unfortunately went. I called you for help, you declined. I never ask you for favors for many years. It took a very painful few minutes before I even could make myself call you. My dog might have lost his life because I wouldn't plead for your help. He might have lived otherwise. Not your fault that he died, but just another instance where I can't count on the smallest amount of caring, concern or help. Just to have you give me a ride to a rental car place would have been a help.
  8. No thank you to Dad-For pleading your wife's case to me 18 years ago, and insisting I renew a relationship with someone who never apologized for waking me up in the middle of the night and smacking me in the face over dishes that you had offered to do for me when I came home dead tired from work that night, but hadn't nor informed your wife as such. Which is neither here nor there, as there should never have been any excuses made not only for her physical abuse but her mental and emotional abuse as well.
  9. No thank you to Dad-For not supporting us while Robert's mom was dying in the hospital by not being neutral when I insisted your wife was not selling our house. Instead you opened up this whole can of worms. While that has been an actual improvement in my life, not a loving thing to do as a father or as a father in law.
  10. No thank you to Mom and Dad-For not protecting me from my grandparents on my mother's side calls. Mom says she is shocked and "she didn't know". The fact is I did talk to her when grandmother would call saying she was committing suicide (or grandfather). And I used to let you guys know that messages (no volume turned off by the way) were left on the voice mail by them. So both of you had to know that I was being subjected to this.

    11-20. No thank you to Mom---I should just send everyone to most recent posts. I just don't want to reiterate everything here.

    21-30. No Thank you to Dad--when I was on my way to Betty Ann's after I had just learned to drive, and a snow storm suddenly hit. I had turned up a hill near you guys, but was lost. Nice older ladies took me into their apartment. When I called you for help, you just screamed at me. I called Robert to help, and he came and got me. He also helped me move the car out the next day. Why was it so hard on a rare occaision to be concerned and loving towards me. There are thousands of these things, and it always made me feel so unloved. In fact, I really don't believe you love me, you just love what you don't have anymore.

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