Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Onward & Upward

Living well is the best "revenge". I don't think so, but I do believe in living life to the fullest. It's a hard life filled with hard work, and what else is that for but to have some fun and enjoyment?

When I get down about the situation, all I have to do is imagine what an event, like father's day, would have been like if I had gone along with the tide. Would that be worth it, that 15 minute conversation with Tony? Hardly.

That's not to say, that if things hadn't turned out the way they did, that if they hadn't disrespected me so much while a relative was dying, that I wouldn't have been over there last weekend. I most likely would have been attending father's day. However, what did happen, what they did, did in fact happen. It was the proverbial last straw.

Now the trick is to get over the anger. I don't know if the word forgiveness is appropriate here. I don't know that I will ever forgive being treated like some heroine addict instead of the kind loving (non addict) person that I am. I don't know that I can forgive the lack of caring or love that was in my life primarily from my parents, who had no reason not to be loving and caring of me.

My last name means stubborn or hard-headed, so have no doubt I WILL prevail and enjoy my life. I do now, I just get overly blue sometimes. No doubt from my depression illness as well that I battle with quite a bit. And it's the hurt feelings when you know family that should be happy for you (I am excluding Tony and Big Fats here) don't even bother to stop by and say hi. I didn't do anything, but in my family to say "no" to mistreatment from your parents is a big no no. I knew what I was doing when I did it. Not that I even see these people once a year.

Oh,well, enough with the pity part, got other things to do.

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