Monday, June 05, 2006

On Bi Polar

Okay, let me just clarify, my bi polar disease is not a part of the estrangements in my life. The fact that these three people are not really nice people, at least to have in the parenting role, is.

Course I did find out recently that it is very possibly not bi polar, but cyclothymia. Apparently I don't get the crazies or suicidal tendancies that someone with bi polar would. LOL to use the clinical term. link on cyclothymia link on bi polar disorder

It only matters which one I have, in my opinion, to monitor the medicine that I am on. I have been recently looking into this, as one Doctor changed my perscription to Lexapro because it was thought to be better acting than Celexa (although I was doing just great on Celexa). Any way, recently Lexapro has been just zonking me out instead of evening out my mood. Could be other things to, I have graves disease and possible diabetes that could be inherited.

So just doing a bit of research before I go see my new Doctor.

As I may have posted previously in my blog, I knew from an early age that I would be prone to a disorder like this, as nearly everyone on one side of my family has this. Whether they all knew they had it or not , well that is a whole nother story. I knew something was up.

I didn't realize it at 13, but I think it started then. They say all teenagers are moody, but I was depressed, course I had a lot to be depressed about in Junior High. Not many friends, gangly, problems with the parental units at home. So I never thought anything of it until I look back now. Something was definately wrong. I think most of my High School it must have gone into remission though.

Then the beginning of college, I am quite sure that I had many manic episodes resulting in insomnia. Manic doesn't mean the crazies. To me it means, you can be up all day, and night working on various projects and getting them done. Sounds fun and productive, right? Thing is you aren't taken care of yourself, and there is an inevitable crash coming. If this is followed by a depressive episode, it is devestating.

Unless I tell people, most people that know me are not even aware that I have it. My husband can't tell most times---sometimes the depressive because that's when it's very hard to get up and out.

The disease that I have is turned inwards, and not so visible to others on the outside of me.

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