Who I am is a deep dark secret. Not that any of you care LOL. There are about two people in the world searching, and have in the past found this blog.
Well that's not true, clients last time had stumbled upon this blog with the user name being the same as my client blogs and all. I am sure they wanted to just find the other clients blogs to see how they were doing:) That's when I disassociated this blog from those blogs. Yikes. Plus the two people I was intentionally trying to screen out finding it. Now it's renamed, and hopefully they have forgotten my user name, or it seems so.
I see that many foreign people come here, and, um, medical places. Hope I am not in any kind of involuntary research or something. At least they can't give me trial drugs over the power lines LOL.
Why people from Japan and Turkey though? Well, I am sure they have family estrangement over there, what country or group of people doesn't, right? I am sure they also have to fight illnesses.
In so far as illnesses go, I will take the mental illness I have rather than say asthma which my husband has. Or diabetes or arthritis or legal blindness or or or. At least the one I have whether it's bipolar or cyclo (whatever that last part was LOL) is pretty acute. It does disable me, but unlike with asthma, I know I am totally safe when I am suffering from it, and that I can get out of bed physically. I mean it's not as easy as just making yourself getting out of bed. I think the lady on the spangelmonkey blog said it best, that her breakthrough was realizing the feelings she was having and her change in behavior, was due to the belief that she would never feel any other way than she did at that moment.
Bibpolar or cyclo (whatever) can have periods when you are in a downswing for years, months, or weeks. That is a looooonnnnngggg time to feel like that, trust me. It's like someone died close to you, or having the feelings you would if that happened, but knowing that didn't actually happen, so what the F are you feeling that way for!!!!! You feel worthless, like a looser, you self medicate by eating or drinking or whatever it is (normally bad never like exercising and eating real healthy) that temporarily takes that away. As you can imagine, for some people who have this condition, it gets quite desperate. They just want everything to stop. Luckily I have never felt like that, I wanted to find a way to turn around the feeling, and knew it would stop. But never ever have I had thoughts of suicide. That may change as I get older, because what I have learned is your chemistry is changing all the time.
Today for example, I feel completely myself. I wish I could take all sorts of chemical, blood, and urine tests right this moment, and target that blood or hormone chemistry that is me feeling like me. And then that could just be regulated similar to the way you would regulate diabetes.
Yesterday and the day before, felt a bit manic or depressed, I couldn't decide LOL. I would imagine not manic as I got nothing done, and I can usually take advantage of those episodes for that. On the other hand, I was able to rate 1314 movies on netflix on those two days. Oh, I guess I was a bit manic LOL.