Sunday, December 31, 2006

Last Two Posts Were Surprisingly Emotional For Me

Funny, I cried after I finished posting that. Got a very nice comment that made me weepy. I don't know there is a lot there that is the reason that I still hold myself back. Mostly by not being able to put myself out there. Well, except for online clearly .

This is a New Year's resolution that I didn't put on the list, because I am very insecure about making it happen. First of all for being self employed, I need to put myself out there sales and marketing wise. So I have made a promise to myself to put myself out there a lot more personally.

There were two college friends whose e-mails don't work anymore. So rather than waiting until another tracks them down, I picked up the phone and started dialing the choices. I found both of them. One, their wife answered who was very nice. I managed to put my foot in my mouth, thinking she might have been his old girlfriend that he conceived a daughter with. She wasn't and of course she knows who that person is. Foot in mouth, just like college . So now that I know where he lives, he will be getting a card, as I am way to mortified to risk getting her again. Course maybe that would be a good exercise.

The next college friend, I recognized his voice immediately even though it's been over twenty years since we have actually talked. We did exchange some e-mails last year. We had a great talk about where we are now, and possibly getting together later on in a mini reunion with some others. It was incredibly nice to talk to him again, he was such a very great friend to me in college.

Any way, if you don't put yourself out there, you don't reap the benefits. It might not turn out well, but it's well worth any previous rejection for something wonderful to happen.

Also, my upbringing as a child, I think stunted my communication and caring skills during college. I guess those lessons needed to be driven home somehow, and I had a gentle group of friends at the time to help drive them home. My parents only communicated by what they needed material or otherwise. There was never any nuturing or caring kind of communication. Like "gee you look pretty today", I normally got "your face is broken out" (like you don't know that) or "you are walking pigeon toed" (like they had such super model posture). It wasn't like a solution was ever given for this, it was just a listing of your deficiencies. So when my life was suddenly not like that, I didn't know how to deal or handle it. Thank God there were these people in my life to tolerate me during this period of time:)

Happy New Year.

1 comment:

crse said...

I cant say enough how much you make me think. I even told my sister in law about your blog today! (she has been like a sister to me and I dont know how I would have made it this far without her) You are inspiring me to make changes. I want to blog more about stuff but I think Im afraid. So for now Im going to keep hanging in there with yours and try to learn and grow with you, my new kindred spirit! Happy New year and thank you for all that you are giving me!