Tuesday, May 01, 2007

God What Is My Problem Today, Who Cares?

I don't know why I let this get to me. Nevermind, who cares. It's a little insignificant bug under my foot. I am enjoying a thoroughly rewarding good life. It's 70 degrees outside, I have three client dogs here plus my three dogs all enjoying each other. Business is ramping up for the new season, and I am already up in sales by 63% though I expect that will lesson soon as the typical busy season is about to begin (and it was already busy last year).

Someone else is getting the life they deserve, as am I!! Mine is good though, no comment on the other.

It's no big deal, I don't even know this person. I mean, I was born from him, he fed me, didn't kick me out of the house himself ever (just let someone else abuse me), allowed me to discover where I now live, and (you know) I hope the best for him OUTSIDE OF MY LIFE. He picked it, hope he's enjoying it. For not letting me starve, not actually physically abusing me, not sexually molesting me; I thank him. If you use that as a barometer for good parenting, I guess he was a stellar father. Unfortunatley though, I have come to find out some operate to the point where their kids (at the minimum) are shown love and support too. Some people actually think that's important .
I'm not even someone he's going to like. I mean, I think we all realized that when I listened to Mr Sullivan in the Third Grade, and he disagreed with my opinion. The fact that I OMG thought on my own was something he never came to grips with. And you know what, I STILL think on my own and have this insane belief that it's my perogative. I also make decisions on my own, decisions that you disagreed with previously, and I could have given a flying fuck about that. Seems my life as turned about pretty well, personally professionally and money in the bank wise. And if things didn't go so well money in the bank wise, I would absolutely be able to have support (not talking financial here) from the family, husband, and friends that I have chosen to be in my inner circle. It makes me cringe to think about talking to you about anything. I couldn't believe what a selfish bastard prick you were when Mrs Grace was DYING. Did you think I was not being serious at the time? Jeezus Christ, man, grow the fuck up!! The world is not a circle with you in the middle of it.
yes, I realize in the following i turn to a more personal message, since you are visiting and all:
Anyway, I am an independent stubborn strong woman, who will never ever be the meek selfish materialistic type of person that you seem to prefer. I would doubt that on knowing you closer, that I would find I suddenly like you. In fact, I used to tell my husband not to bother to go help you at your Maine house, cause that's all you wanted help. And once that was over, any relationship with you would no longer exist. All about the free help. It was particularly amusing how you would say "oh and then I will help you put in the door to your house or bookcases", when we both knew that was BS. But it wasn't even about that which pissed me off, it was that I knew every Fing time that phone rang from you, it was all about favors for you. Remember when you and the BA monster had a brain fart, and wanted something from our Peanuts collection for Brett. We were doing something kind of private, and you kept calling and calling. Finally, you got us, and were rude "like where were you, we need XYZ". So we left it on the porch and let you take our collection for free. So Brett REALLY got a gift from us, because you were too damn FUCKING lazy to find one yourself, but you knew your meek ass daughter would come through for you. All because your precious bride, who has been so lovely to me, wanted one.
I loved hearing that you use the "N" word when working with my husband. What a piece of work you are!! Not that I would have ever severed a relationship because someone was racist, but that's just the icing on the cake, isn't it? Someone every little girl would want to look up to.
And I do realize that by talking about my cyclomania or bipolar on this blog, that probably makes you think you have some kind of fuel . However, like I talk about estrangements, I also talk about this completely treatable disorder that is largely internal for people that have it. Much like I talk about estrangement, because it's hard for people to talk to others who know them about this....without being judged. And gosh, I know you judge don't you. I mean why wouldn't you? You are such a perfect person. My depression must have caused all these wonderful things that you have done. So if that is going to be your crutch, oh please feel free.
Last note, you can't talk to me because HEAVEN FOR FUCKING BID I am angry at you. How dare I? I must talk in a reasonable tone to you, while you spout off utter fucking nonesense about how "you did not deliberately". I don't think so. I don't want to talk to you at all, preferably ever. There is nothing that I will ever need from you or want from you.

Whatever you do will never affect me in the long or short term for that matter, I have seen to that.
So I don't know what I am bitching about. Come back old man however many times you want. I have had my online temper tantrum, and have gone comfortably back to not caring, as there are so many other more important things and people to care about, as I had discovered previously.

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