Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mothers Day

I have posted an appropriate and deserved wish for two people in my life that positively affected me in a motherly way. My Mother In Law and my Italian grandmother were forces in my life that I will never forget. I get to see my Grandmother's eyes staring back at me in the mirror, and they are a great source of comfort for me. Sometimes I swear she is looking back at me through them.

I was also going to do something to memorialize three other people: the Edonor, the Monster, and the Grandmother on the other side. I don't really want to muddy up my happy and joyful feelings for the two that I am memorializing, so I have come up with thanks for the other three or apologies:

To my mother: I am sorry that our relationship is as complicated as it is or non existent. I wish that I could just look the other way and deal with it. I am sorry that my spirit is too weak to allow for that in my life. I wish I could give you what you want, but I can't. I am sorry for that.

To my step monster: I am glad that you have come into the picture so I didn't have to suffer more than I needed to in order to "please" my father. You probably speeded up the process of figuring out that there is no pleasing him, and no one is really there. If it wasn't you, he would have found someone else like you, so there is no bitterness that you married my father. If it had been someone who did not treat me as badly as you did, I would most likely just be even more confused as to what it actually was that did not work for us in our relationship (my fathers and mine, I am not confused as to what does not work between us).

To my Maternal Grandmother: I am sorry for whatever affected you so early on, whether it is just severe mental illness or abuse that made this happen. Further, I am sorry that your spirit has driven everyone away from you with the possible exception of your brothers. I hope that you have managed to find some peace where you are. As with my mother, I apologize for not being able to deal with you myself in order to take care of myself.

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