Thursday, May 03, 2007

Sarcastic Sorry

Dear Sperm Donor,

I am sorry that I can no longer be the Black Sheep of the family for you and your wife to look down on. I apologize for having too much pride and respect for me and my family to allow for your conduct and excuses any more.

I am glad that you have the family you want. May they always stand beside you. May you never treat "your" three female grandchildren as you have treated the other females in your life (excluding my grandmother of course). May you and the Monster always continue to deserve each other and everything you get in life.

I hope that you will always feel justified in the recent things you did, as your daughter flunked out of college the first time she went during a hard time in her life, where all you could do was think of yourself. Obviously, I should still be paying that debt forward till now, and should have been paying attention to you, who was so contemptuous of me, rather than my mother in law when she was dying. I realize I should be whipping myself every day until I die at age 89, yet I am just not willing to do that. You have already had your say on this, and I already apologized a long time ago for being difficult during the college time. It's been enough.

I am sorry that you didn't realize having a baby would be a responsibility. Who hasn't worked two jobs? Jesus, I worked them and had no kids. The price of living was quite a bit lower when you had me. I am sorry I didn't come out of the womb ready to support myself. I am further sorry that my soul chose the parents it did (what was my soul thinking).

Yes, thanks for the pets, especially the lovingly killing off of them. That's a very loving thing for a father to do, leave them in an abandoned house where they die naturally from neglect. Just another way to get back at my mother & at me for looking like my mother? Oh, not to mention being born in the first place?

Who in our family besides you didn't flunk out of college? Uh Richard, John, went and did not get out. Seems like their parents are still able to love them, and not be abusive to them. To in fact be a positive influence in their life, rather than the sucking parasite you are. Me, Andy, and Lyn are the only ones that graduated at all, and I financed myself. An accomplishment that I am proud of, and happier that I do not need to thank and yet be beholden to you for any part of my life now. See that's the thing about not being present during it, you don't get to take any of the credit, and you loose a lot of the control that you would have sought to have. So I am sorry, but my life turned out well largely because you WERE NOT part of it. So, I should really be thanking you.

Thank you for leaving my life, for making it easy for me to leave yours, for being transparent even as you seek to present yourself in a different way to get your way.

I am sorry that I am a strong successful woman despite you. That a person like me would never want anything to do with someone like you. If only you could have been a complete stranger, so I would never have wasted my time trying.

I am further sorry that I am still taken surprise by what a selfish prick you are, as apparently I have held onto the hope that someday you would sincerely apologize. Remember, it wasn't even an apology that was asked of you, just allow us to sell our house stress free while Rob's mother is dying? Oh, so unreasonable.....I was taken unawares then. That's the definition of insanity though isn't it, I knew you were an unfeeling prick early on in my life. Wishing you were someone different will never make it so.

Just some DNA, that's all we have in common.


Anonymous said...

You need to go back and read your old blog and rants. I have apologized. The fact that you don't accept my apologies doesn't change that fact. There is no amount of apologizing that you would accept, I get it! You didn't have a perfect childhood, your father and mother screwed-up, you're pissed. Join most of the human race. Life is tough some times, people loose loved ones, they get cancer, they get hurt, bad things happen all of the time. The difference here is you have built a whole different reality about your life and you have left out all of the good that ever happened to you, and there was good before Rob. No doubt he is the best thing that has ever happen to you and I am so glad you have him, but you did have joy before him. So stop being a victim, because you aren't one unless you want to be. I understand you hate me, and there is nothing I can do about it. I will always love you. I will never
stop hoping that one day we will be able to at least understand what happen and forgive each other.


winterskibunny said...

Here are your two e-mails. In one you compare me to my mother, and wonder how this got so out of hand. In the other you apologize "but did not mean to hurt me deliberately". Hmmmm, how does one go about ignoring the other is in pain during a relatives death, and it not be deliverate.

I guess I will file that under shit happens. The reason I am not a victim is because I cut the parasites out of my life. Shit happens, your daughter realizes you for what a fraud of a human being you are.

You can mimick the words, and try to mask what you and BA really are all that you want. I think it's pretty obvious.

That apology was six months later by the way, and quite generalized in an obvious effort to just get me to talk to you. I will never understand how you could be such a selfish prick, and to continue to try and justify that bitch's actions to me is toooo much. I will never understand it or forgive you.

So I am glad you GET it.

winterskibunny said...

Oh, and remind me of the good part after third grade, would ya???

For the life of me, I can't dredge up any really good memories. Sorry.

But there you go again, like you couldn't accept that the divorce over fucking joyed me, you of course know exactly what I was going through and feeling living with you.

You're always right. You always know, just like the good old days.

Live with your wharped reality of what life was like for me living with you.

Sound like a blast so far, doesn't it? Any of those "good times" when I was 19 or so? Huh, I don't recall any.

winterskibunny said...

Oh, and I understand what happened. It's pretty clear to everyone but you.

Winterskiprincess said...

"The difference here is you have built a whole different reality about your life and you have left out all of the good that ever happened to you, and there was good before Rob. No doubt he is the best thing that has ever happen to you and I am so glad you have him, but you did have joy before him." I love spermy's concept that in order for a woman to be fulfilled, they need a man (and they will have children LOL). Progressive Spermy is NOT. And if all men were like Spermy, I would have gone to the other side...