Wednesday, May 09, 2007


So, I have given up wine until I reach a REAL milestone in my weight 160. I am about 183 now, which I wish I could say was my heaviest, but 190 did come one day to my horror. Making me realize, seriously, this is no longer acceptable for a number of reasons. My career for one requires me to be physically fit. Try to contain a large exhuberant dog with behavioral issues and no strength with mostly fat and no muscle tone. Not good.
Second, I want to make sure me and my husband still enjoy many more years TOGETHER, or make as sure as I can. As we all know, nothing in life is guaranteed, and I even hate thinking about that. All that comes to mind is how miserable my gram was after grampa left:( Plus her eight other brothers and sisters all left this world before her. My grampa was pretty healthy and fit actually, he just had the bad luck to get some cancer and parkinsons. In the end, he just died in his sleep of old age at the hospital (he had gotten constipated, and passed away one of his first nights there). His last night on earth, he told me how much he loved me. Perhaps a bit hopped up on the pain meds, but still. I always thought I was more of a disappointment as my dad was always down talking me to my grandparents. Apparently my grandfather thought of me quite fondly. One way I was probably a disappointment to him was (in my angst of young adulthood and not understanding) that I visited him much more infrequently than I should have. Or called, even though the calls were basically "hi now we are busy by". I never realized that that still meant something to them, and just like me, you gotta catch them in a talkative mood. I was never much of a talker on the telephone (still hate it).
There is the ADD again. (actually I don't have ADD I am just highly distracted by trains of thought, which I can normally control, but this blog is sorta about letting it out when it comes)
Third, I like my face, especially, when it is thin. I also like my boobs when they are smaller, and only hope that they will shrink down to a B again (if not an A) from the gynormous Ds that they have become (which I H A T E). I would really like my thighs and calfs to be a bit smaller, muscle tone especially in the arm area like I used to have. I am not talking supermodel here, I was would be quite content at a size 9/10 with muscle tone. I used to be a size 4/6. Those clothes look so unbelievably small in the waist, I don't know that would be possible now!!
Fourth, health seems to have a good effect on the mood disorder of bipolar. Or perhaps, it's just part of the picture of total health.

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